The Gum Crisis Continues

Today is Free Cone Day (FREE CONE DAY) at Ben and Jerry’s, and I’m sitting on my hands in an effort not to go*.

 

*this is not the most effective form of resistance.

 

Look at how much fun everyone is having!

 

 

In an effort to not break Lent, I’m preoccupying myself with chewing “Mint Chocolate Chip” gum, a poor substitute for ice cream (particularly because it’s a flavor of ice cream I would never order**)  whilst trying to conserve my Strawberry Shortcake packs. I usually buy the fruity flavors—Raspberry Vanilla Cupcake or Lemon Bar—but this was all they had at CVS the other night.

 

**because it’s gross!

 

Several things to note here.

 

1. The mint chocolate chip gum SMELLS convincingly like chocolate mint, but it tastes just like regular mint.

   False advertising.
   

2. It was one of the most expensive packs of gum I’ve ever bought. I believe it was $1.49, which is 20 cents more expensive than at Stop and Shop.

    Not cool.
   

3. I’ve tried the other flavors of gum, and I hate them all. I will tolerate Extra’s Raspberry Vanilla Whatever and Lemon Bar and Peach Cobbler and Mixed Berry, but I do not like them.

   Is this sweetened with cough medicine?

4. I resorted to calling the Extra company.

   Justice must be served.

 

You may remember that I wrote them an email a year ago and openly acknowledged that I sounded crazy but that I was NOT, and I asked they reconsider their decision to discontinue Strawberry Shortcake as a flavor because it is pivotal to my life’s happiness.

 

Now that my year’s supply of gum is almost out (and truth be told, it lasted more than a year. THANKS, DAD!), I felt it was time to call the company and speak to a human being about this crisis.

 

I pressed several buttons before being transferred to a customer service representative, but I finally got through to a weathered-sounding younger gentleman. I asked him what the likelihood might be that his company would reinstate Strawberry Shortcake because I’m very close to being out of it forever, and I find it very distressing.

 

“Ah yes. You’ve emailed us before.”

 

“…I did, yes.”

 

How embarrassing.

 

He told me they like to experiment with different flavors and to keep a look out for new ones.

 

I explained that I’ve tried their other flavors, and they’re not an adequate substitute. I also said flavors like Watermelon have persisted throughout periods of transition, and I think Strawberry Shortcake should also be a staple flavor because it actually tastes good.

 

He said he would record that I called*** because they do keep track of customers’ complaints and requests.

 

***and laugh about it at the next meeting

 

Considering I’m the only one who’s calling—clearly—I petition all of you who want to participate in this experiment: let’s call Extra Gum en masse and get them to reintroduce Strawberry Shortcake!*****

 

 1-800-WRIGLEY

 

(Seriously, that’s the number.)

 

*****I went from petitioning readers to support my Walk for Hunger to asking them to call a gum company and reinstate my favorite flavor. I feel like I’m swinging in the wrong direction here.

 

Perhaps the Extra makers have found my blog. Perhaps they’re reading it now. Perhaps this really IS a governmental conspiracy theory…!

 

Perhaps I should check on the establishments I’ve listed as my favorite places to dine (Winnie’s Pizza, Lick Gelato, etc. etc.) to make sure they haven’t been turned into gas stations or set on fire.  Or maybe I should just talk up brands and flavors I don’t like and hope they get discontinued instead.****

 

****This Chocolate Mint Chip flavor of gum is delicious! Hands down, my favorite.

 

Those are my thoughts for today. Granted, I have thoughts about “important” things, too, but I saw the Ben & Jerry’s thing on Facebook and needed to chew some gum and write about it.