Universe: “So, Jenny. You think you figured out the system by being Miss Queen Positivity with your ‘sexy’ voice, eh? I’ve got a surprise for you.
“On your way to work, you will cough for no reason. Normally, you cough because you’re sick and your lungs filled with bubbling cauldrons of phlegm, but this time you’ll just cough for the heck of it, and all-of-a-sudden, just like that, your ‘sexy voice’ will be gone.
“When you arrive to work, all of the servers will have completely full sections because they got busy right before you came, but it will take you half an hour to get your first two tables, both of whom will be people who are unfamiliar with the American rules for tipping, and they will leave you a combined total of $4 tip.
“Then you’ll continue to have an night of low earnings and even lower tipping, and at the end of your shift, you’ll average less than minimum wage. You will run all of your own appetizers and desserts, and the backwaiters will only bus two of your tables. You’ll be stuck doing side-work for an hour and a half after you’ve been cut, and you’ll walk home at the end of the night with $30.
“So, Jenny. How’s that upbeat, happy, ‘I’m here to serve you’ attitude now?”
Considering three different co-workers asked me “What’s wrong–do you feel okay?” I think the Universe proved its point.
I SHOULD NEVER EVER BRAG. Or give attitude advice.
Because the Universe, who does, in fact, have it out to get me, will crush me like the Kafka-sized cockroach I am.
So, let it be known! Balance has been restored.