I’m watching the Steelers vs. Baltimore game, and some of the officials and coaches who were in this Bad Lip Reading video are on TV right now. Every time the ref throws a flag and makes an announcement, I imagine him saying, “I went on a date with this girl, and her floor was covered … Continue reading “Orange Peanut? For me? I accept you.”
I just wasted an hour of my life by sitting in traffic for absolutely no reason. So, what happened was… I decided to go to the gym in East Greenwich. Now, I don’t live in East Greenwich, and I’ve never been to the gym there, but that’s where the “sister location” to my … Continue reading How Zombies Are Made
Universe: “So, Jenny. You think you figured out the system by being Miss Queen Positivity with your ‘sexy’ voice, eh? I’ve got a surprise for you. “On your way to work, you will cough for no reason. Normally, you cough because you’re sick and your lungs filled with bubbling cauldrons of phlegm, but this … Continue reading The Universe Has Spoken
I’m about to go to Barnes and Noble with the intention of buying ONE thing, which inevitably means I’ll be leaving six hours later with four bags of books and a lost sense of time, pride, and money, so I figured I’d write a blog before I do that. Since I last wrote, I’ve … Continue reading Compare and Despair
It’s not often that I’m proud of the things I do. But this year for Halloween, I’m kind of proud about how things turned out. First of all, let it be known that I LOVE Halloween. I’m the absolute worst planner when it comes to the holiday, but the idea of dressing up and going … Continue reading I’m Proud of My Halloween Costume(s)
No, no, I’m not talking about that terrible guy/girl moment where one person says, “Hey! Thanks for loaning me your Algebra book. Here it is,” and the other person says, “I know why you’re REALLY here,” and the first person says, “Um. To give your Algebra book back?” and the other person says, “Noooo…” and … Continue reading The Problem With Rejection
I first thought this blog would be about why I hate Facebook, and then I spent the last 2½ hours reading other people’s blogs on WordPress, and everything became a jumbled mess of crap in my brain. So I’ll just start from the beginning of my thought process and see where it goes. … Continue reading The Blogging/Facebook Dilemma, and Why I Don’t Care About Burrito Day
I just watched a rerun of Friends in which Dr. Green, Rachel’s dad, yells at a waiter for bringing him a ’74 bottle of wine instead of a ’75 (“Everyone knows that ’74 was a sewer year! Is that what you wanted—to bring me sewer water?”) and he follows it with this charming sentiment: … Continue reading Waitress Rant: Beware
There are few things in life more irritating than writing fourteen drafts of a blog and HATING EVERY SINGLE ONE, but having to deal with fruit flies while in a heightened state of “I’M GOING TO THROW MY COMPUTER ACROSS THE ROOM” is a recipe for disaster. I’ve been fighting with fruit flies all … Continue reading Cover Letter Highlight: Fruit Fly Assassin
I’d hoped to write a blog on my four-hour bus ride yesterday, but I became so nauseated that I could do nothing except try to sleep in a Frankenstein, with bolts in his neck, upright fashion. If there’s one lesson to be learned, it’s that the Peter Pan busline is not the Dartmouth Coach. I … Continue reading Fantasy Football with Some Extra
They Call Me Fushilou 